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Make Sure You Do: Before You Say "I Do"


Tina Turner asked an important question in the title of her hit song; What's Love Got To Do With It? Yes love is important but love don't pay the bills. It is not be enough to be "in love." Couples must have the basic skills necessary for building and enhancing the relationship over time. Lasting marriages require partners who are committed to respecting one another, who have gained knowledge about what makes marriage work, and who have developed skills that will enhance rather than deteriorate the relationship.

It is mind boggling that so many spend countless hours planning for the great wedding day. That's right; it is only for one day; a mere drop in the ocean of time. Here today, gone tomorrow; then what? It is just plain ignorant to spend numerous weeks and even months planning for the wedding that last a day and ignore the marriage that is expected to endure for a lifetime. It makes good sense then, to spend at least an equal amount of time preparing for married life. By reading this article, you have taken the first step toward increasing your awareness. I applaud you.

Whenever I perform a wedding ceremony, it usually includes these words:

Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect him/her, forsaking all others and holding only unto him/her according to God's holy law; and thus pledge your faithfulness.

It is disconcerting that nearly half of all married couples regretted uttering those profound words and have since divorced. I believe that the most egregious mistake these couples made was not spending enough time seriously planning for a lifetime together in marriage. Though most couples do claim to take their wedding vows seriously, often what has been disregarded is really getting to know each other on a level beneath the surface.

Women, particularly, seem to approach marriage from a fantasy "happy-ever-after" mentality. We do not seem to realize that what we think we "see" is not perfect reality. And, what we think we feel is related to what we think we see. In other words, we tend to approach marriage with a distorted perception of what married life will be like. In a way, it can be analogized to an adolescent girl who always wanted a baby until she actually had one and the reality of parental responsibility ferociously slapped her in the face; or the teen young man who didn't understand that as soon as he hit adulthood, the system would relentlessly seek child support payments from him for each child he has fathered.

Keep in mind that who you marry will have a dramatic impact on all aspects of your life; spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical health. Marriage is serious business and should be given serious thought. It is not optional, it is obligatory. Take a long and hard look before you leap.

Rev. Saundra L. Washington, is an ordained clergywoman, social worker, and Founder of AMEN Ministries http://www.clergyservices4u.org. She is also the author of two coffee table books: Room Beneath the Snow: Poems that Preach and Negative Disturbances: Homilies that Teach. Her new book, Out of Deep Water: A Grief Healing Workbook, will be available soon.


MORE RESOURCES:

GROOM SERVICE: The hardest part of getting married
London Free Press, Canada - Aug 27, 2008
By DAN BROWN, ONLINE EDITOR Things are fine, even though the two of us still have some details to finalize. I have to call to make sure the wedding bands ...


Church puts vows at heart of new marriage prep
ChristianToday, UK - Aug 28, 2008
by Jenna Lyle The Church of England’s is undertaking a major overhaul of the marriage preparation it offers to engaged couples in a bid to better reflect ...


The Associated Press

Now on the Hallmark aisle: Gay marriage cards
The Associated Press - Aug 21, 2008
PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) — Most states don't recognize gay marriage — but now Hallmark does. The nation's largest greeting card company is rolling out same-sex ...


You are invited to our Vegas wedding...
Independent, UK - Aug 13, 2008
When Peaches Geldof decided to spring a surprise wedding on her family, there was only one place to go. So what are the odds on her marriage lasting? ...


Bgay.com

Hallmark Offers Gay Wedding Cards
Bgay.com, FL - Aug 22, 2008
The wedding industry is big business in the United States and now greeting card giant Hallmark has begun creating and selling wedding cards for same-sex ...


What Happens In Vegas DVD Review
NewsBlaze, CA - Aug 22, 2008
By Prairie Miller Romantic comedies are such a well worn endeavor that there's nothing much left to the imagination to explore, unless there's plenty of wit ...


2: "The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who gave a ...
Catholic News Agency, CO - Aug 20, 2008
3: and sent his servants to call those who were invited to the marriage feast; but they would not come. 4: Again he sent other servants, saying, ...


Lincoln and Corina
Seattle Post Intelligencer - Jul 31, 2008
So I was asked to by Lincoln and Corina to reflect at their wedding about their love and find a literary passage that i felt spoke to it as well. ...


Telegraph.co.uk

Why does Bob look so miserable? Could he be mourning daughter ...
This is London, UK - Aug 15, 2008
You wouldn't think his 19-year-old daughter had just got married from the glum look on Sir Bob Geldof's face. The Boomtown Rats frontman looked crestfallen ...
Peaches Geldof’s ex-boyfriend confused by her sudden marriage Fametastic
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Jay-Z explains why he & Beyoncé won't confirm their marriage
Infos Jeunes France, France - Aug 8, 2008
Beyonce Knowles and Jay-Z went about their union in a pretty uncommon fashion, as far as celebrities go. While most do try to keep the affair a bit private ...

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