Relationships that Work: How to Get Along with People Who Drive You Crazy

Question: What % of your bad moods at work are caused by conflicts?

Answer: About 80% (if you're like the typical person)

Think about how those conflicts wreck your work: You slip into an angry or frustrated mood and suddenly your productivity takes a nosedive.

It makes sense, then, that doing your part to strengthen relationships can boost your results: Fix the conflict, feel better, get more done. And, of course, the tougher the relationship is, the bigger the payoff in working to make it a little better.

Try these tips to make even the thorniest relationships easier to handle:

* Look for the good. It isn't necessary to like all your coworkers, but it is necessary to treat everyone with respect. The best way to respect someone is to discover their strengths, skills, or contributions; then, focus on those instead of what you don't like. The more you can recognize a person's good qualities, the easier it is to show them genuine respect.

* Don't expect miracles. Sometimes, two people who don't get along can - over time - grow into friends. On the other hand, sometimes relationships simply remain stuck & difficult. But if you make even small, incremental changes that cut down the stress and conflict on each side, you can consider your efforts a success.

* Don't just focus on the other person. It's easy to think the other person should change. If they do, that's a bonus. But since that may not happen, concentrate on what you can contribute to constructing a relationship that's as good as possible.

* Attack the problem, not the person. Imagine that you aren't getting information you need from another department, and it's causing your work to suffer. You may presume the other department is lazy, or doesn't care, or is trying to sabotage your success. Instead of attacking the people involved, attack the problem. Suggest a meeting to determine what the problem is and why you aren't getting the information. The real problem may be short staffing or system problems -- or they may not be getting the information they need from someone else. You'll stay solution-oriented and engage others with your professionalism intact.

* Don't let the "crabs" get you down. Know any crabs? They're the type of people for whom nothing is ever right, good enough, or "fixable." Stay determined to prevent the "crabs" from pulling you down to their level. Use these 5 steps:

1. Try to understand why they're negative. They may be dealing with a serious life issue. Understanding may help you be more sympathetic and less frustrated.

2. Talk to them about it. Tell them you've noticed they have seemed a little down and offer to help. They may not open up, but it's often helpful just to know that someone cares. It will also give them a tactful heads-up as to how they're coming across (they simply may not realize their attitude is affecting others).

3. Avoid them if the situation doesn't improve.

4. Remove them from your environment (if possible and if truly necessary).

5. Have a "recovery plan." If steps 1-3 above haven't worked, and you can't remove them (which is often the case with a coworker), have a plan for how you'll replenish your good mood after you come into contact with them. A recovery plan will at least cut your "down time" - for example, you may be upset for 30 minutes rather than for 4 hours.

* Have one more positive interaction a day. Say "thanks," give a compliment or pass the praise. Feeling appreciated is the No. 1 motivator for most employees. While that recognition can and should come from managers, every employee can contribute with quick morale boosters.

* Keep your attitude as positive as possible, whatever your circumstances. It's easy to think your attitude is determined by other people and by uncontrollable events in your life. But if that's true, you've lost control. Stay resolved to be as happy as possible, for just five minutes at a time. You'll feel better and be easier to get along with.

Shari Peace is an international speaker, an author and the president of Peace Talks, a professional speaking firm that helps people and organizations get more done with less stress. Her book, Crank It Out!, features tips for sharper time management and increased productivity. She can be reached at http://www.sharipeace.com.

Guardian book club: Relationships guardian.co.uk, UK - 4 hours ago Their relationships, therefore, are not exactly predictable. In the first chapter, there is some peculiar triangle involving Maretta, who sits silently in ...

Endpaper: Meaningful relationships with readers Telegraph.co.uk, United Kingdom - 3 hours ago The most productive relationship to arise from this latest example of the publishing industry's dogged pursuit of diversification could prove to be between ...

Best Syndication

Building a Downline with Relationships Best Syndication, CA - 7 hours ago It’s under the surface a relationship business. And by creating and maintaining a strong relationship with your downline, you can quickly achieve everything ...

Lasting relationships Jamaica Observer, Jamaica - 19 hours ago Maintaining lasting relationships requires constant building and nurturing. We must place high values on people, God does! Give others the benefit of ...

Relationships are truly a family affair Cape Breton Post, Canada - 11 hours ago It’s funny how our own relationships affect those around us. From friends to significant others, the company we choose plays a valuable role in the way we ...

SMS snooping can doom relationships Times of India, India - Aug 28, 2008 It also revealed that 73% of these sneaky text checkers have found out things they later wished they hadn't, and 10% ended their relationship because of SMS ...

Wall St woos Washington at Democratic convention Reuters - Aug 28, 2008 "It is an opportunity for them to build relationships, or just to confirm good relationships with members of Congress." Bankers, brokers and others in ...

Examiner.com

Relationships Examiner Examiner.com - 14 hours ago Her approach examines how relationships in work, home, and environment contribute to our well-being. The previous post is an example of the parent child ...

Female guard accused of having sexual relationships with inmates New Richmond News, WI - 13 hours ago A female guard at a state minimum-security prison is on administrative leave, after two inmates said they had sexual relationships with her. ...

Senior Fundraising and Relationships Manager Third Sector (registration), UK - 16 hours ago You will need to be a competent and experienced person with excellent personal interaction and relationship skills and the ability to influence individuals. ...