| |
| |
|
Singles7.com - Relationships |
|
|
|
Vital information and articles related to relationships.The Grammar of Good Communication
No, this is not a rehash of primary-school grammar; nor is it adiscourse on the finer points of rhetoric! There are some practical points which can make a powerfuldifference in the efficacy of your communication -- whether onthe job, with your spouse or when you are among friends. What is "good communication?" Much of what passes forconversation is a play with two performers, each impatientlywaiting for the other to finish so they can declaim the linesthey've been preparing as the other is talking. Good communication is using words to express meaning -- clearly,efficiently and without ambiguity. This is most important in the communication which takes place between two people who want to make themselves understood in order to have a useful exchange of significant information about themselves or their relationship. This information is likely to have an emotional component, andmay be a complex mixture of fact and feeling. This is typicallythe language of relationship, though in reality manyrelationships are rather devoid of this level of communication. I read a research study long ago which looked at the quantity and quality of communication between spouses with children. Theoverall amount of communication between spouses was surprisinglysmall (twenty minutes a day, or thereabouts); of that some eighty to ninety percent was spent talking about the children, the day's schedule, plans to be made, or tasks to be done. Only some ten to twenty percent (of the twenty minutes!) was "relationship talk" between the spouses, where they shared feelings or meaningful dialogue about the nature of their relationship. The need for more quality communication within marriages is thesubject of another piece. Here I wish to make some structural or grammatical suggestions which can greatly enhance the efficiency and accuracy of complex communication. It is important to make "I statements" -- sentences which beginwith the word "I". "I feel tired today;" I am upset about X;" "I would like to go out to dinner tonight,". A common colloquialism in America is to say something like "You feel mad when someone cuts you off in traffic," when the meaning intended is "I feel mad when someone cuts me off...". Attention to this simple structural detail of communication willgreatly add to clarity and increased understanding. Too muchimportant communication is muddied with vague or impreciselanguage. Of course, sometimes it feels safer to hide behindambiguities or vagueness than to say what is really felt. The little word "but" is very important -- it subtly but firmlynegates all that has gone before. "You look nice in that dress,but...". That word signals the listener to pay particularattention to what follows, because there is the real point of the message! "I like you a lot, but..." In emotional orrelationship communication, "but" is a slippery character. Itallows the speaker to say all the right things in the first partof the sentence, and then slip the verbal knife between the ribswith the "but." "Never" and "always" are likewise tricky words -- and rarelyaccurate. Communication which includes statements like "Youalways..." or "I never..." are likely to generate more heat thanlight. Life is rarely so simple that something is always ornever the case. In everyday speech, we often confuse feeling and thought. "Ifeel that the world would be a better place if..." is not astatement of feeling (emotion), but a thought or cognition.Relationships between people are based upon emotion; we areconstantly listening for the subtle cues in conversation to seewhere we stand, or how our friend/spouse/lover is feeling towards us at this moment. Clarity in labelling emotions and thoughts helps the listener know how to receive the message. Precise communication which captures the richness and nuance ofemotion as well as thought is learned behavior. None of us isborn knowing how to communicate clearly. It is possible toimprove relationships by improving communication. Simple,direct, clear and unambiguous communication with those personswho are most significant is a skill well worth learning. David Yarian, Ph.D. is the creator of The Guide to Self-HelpBooks, http://www.Books4SelfHelp.com and co-author of Self-HelpCentral, an ezine to help you build a better life with self-helpresources. He is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and CertifiedSex Therapist in private practice in Nashville, TN. Hisprofessional website is http://www.DavidYarian.com.
MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
When Your Relationships Turn Abusive - What You Can Do Sometimes the people who are the closest to us, our friends and our mates, the ones who should be liking us the best, are the ones who hurt us the most.No matter how lonely you are, you don't have to put up with rude or abusive behavior from other people. How To Give Women What They Want and Need-The Forgotten Method of Wooing Remember When?When you were in elementary school, high school, and maybe even college, when you had something to say to your girlfriend, fiancée or what-have-you, what was the medium you used to convey those special thoughts? The handwritten note. If you didn't use this method, where were you in your youth-in your cupboard underneath the stairs?Something to Think AboutHere's something for you to chew on-when you receive a letter from a friend or relative, what do you expect--maybe a printed letter, right? Okay, that's fine. My Concept From my own personal experiences with relationships I believe in a concept that I have been working with, at least in my mind's eye, which is to give generously of yourself in your relationship. Always do what you can for your partner to make him or her happy, regardless if they invest in you. Love Advice: Are You Frozen in Time? Falling in love is a process that one cannot stay away from. In life, many of us has experienced going through a love relationship. Relationship Tips: 16 Practical Dramatic Ways to Know if He/She is REALLY Changing Every relationship hits a snag, or worse, a major crisis (such as infidelity), that demands significant change if the relationship is to survive.So. Can We Still Be Friends? Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life by Kevin B. BurkEven when we know it's time to end a romantic relationship, we're often reluctant to let go of our partners completely. Relationships Technology The notion that there can be a technology of relationships basically contradicts what we all know aboout relationships. There are entire bookshelves about relationships. Mairi Mairi came into my life about two years ago. She came from Arizona with a cheap trailer, four kids from three different fathers, and a seriously negative attitude. Five Telltale Signs That A Role Reversal Relationship Could Be Right For You Powerful, accomplished women intimidate some men, but fascinate others. If you are a feisty, take-charge kind of gal, you've probably had your share of problems with men and wonder if you'll ever find Mr. A Heat-scar Named Desire Where on earth is my "play on words" taking me with this one?I remember so well those taunting words."They told me to take a streetcar named Desire and then transfer to one called Cemeteries and ride six blocks and get off at Elysian Fields. Sometimes You Got to Spy - Dealing with Online Infidelity Online infidelity is more prevalent than you think. This includes chatting with unknown faces and watching or seeing porno. A Womans World Women are simply wonderful don't you think? This question is not just aimed at us men but to women also! Throughout my life women have played a massive part in my upbringing from my Mother, my Aunts and to my very lovely and sadly missed Grandmother. These women have nurtured me and shown me what it takes to really be a man. king Your Relationship Pattern, Part 3 Do you want to put to rest the people and situations from your past so they do not interfere with your current and future relationships?I bet you said yes. Who doesn't have something in their past they want to put to rest? Then let's talk about what action steps you can take to create the absence of past -- or completion -- in your life. Unprofessional Conduct Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 14, 2004I am sitting here so unsure of what to do anymore. I've never asked anyone for help of this type, as many people come to me for answers. How to Create a Solid Foundation for Loving Relationships What does real love look like? The way we act towards other people is a true expression of how much we love.The Indian Jesuit Anthony de Mello tells this story:The student asks the Master, 'What is love?''The total absence of fear,' the Master replies. Pay Attention! Mastering Communication Skills with Women One of the biggest complaints women have about men is they just don't listen. This can cause big problems in the relationship. Sacred Relationships: Divine Source Questions and Answers from Divine SourceThrough Barbara Rose1. What is a "Sacred Relationship"?2. Power Struggle! The greatest asset we have in human existence is our soul growth, but somehow we have that confused with becoming powerful. Power does not bring growth unless we understand the essence of sharing that power. Easy Ways to Turn Any Evening Romantic If you don't have the time, money or energy to plan and execute the perfect date, you're not alone. The good news is you can set up a romantic evening in just a few minutes and without any cost. How to Choose Your Life Partner? You have reached the age where you can start thinking seriously on your wedding day. You would like a steady partner, whom which you could spend the rest of your life with.
|
|
Relationship Articles Home Page | Relationship Articles Site Map | Health | Hairstyles | Fashion57.com | Beauty | Unique Gifts | Trafficfish.com | Entertainment | Institutions | EZmatic | Sofware Singles7.com - all Vital information and articles related to relationships. |
| © 2006 |
