| |
| |
|
Singles7.com - Relationships |
|
|
|
Vital information and articles related to relationships.Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places? - How to fine tune your relationship radar
I don't think a week goes by that I don't get a letter or e-mail from someone asking for help in making better choices in relationships. It usually goes something like this: "I keep picking jerks to date! I try to pick different types of people _ they might even look completely different from the last person I dated _ but they end up acting the same and treating me the same. How do I stop doing this? I don't what to get fooled into marrying someone and then find out afterward he is a jerk, too." There are at least four actions you can take right away to begin to change this pattern. Each has to do with changing your relationship radar, which is what keeps getting you in these messes. Picture the weather radar on your local news program. It sweeps around and picks up the areas where it is raining. In much the same way, relationship radar picks up on the kind of person to whom you are attracted. Some people call this your "type." Your relationship radar is so precise and sensitive that if you walked into a party with 100 people in it, and three of them were your type, you'd pick them out in about 5 minutes. If your relationship radar is working well and helps you choose people who are good for you, no problem. If your relationship radar is faulty, you get into the pattern you're struggling with. Step 1: Take a relationship break. This might be difficult. Many people who have faulty relationship radar go from one relationship to the next, repeating the same pattern. Taking a relationship break accomplishes at least two important tasks: It gives your poor heart a rest, and I bet it needs it. And, it gives you the time and space needed to do the rest of the changes required to reset your relationship radar. Step 2: Create a list of warning signs. About 10 years ago I was working with a twentysomething person who told me that no matter what she tried, she kept dating jerks. So we decided we needed to come up with a "jerk list" made up of subtle and not so subtle signs that a person might be a potential jerk. What we discovered was that this list helped to guide her away from the type of person she had been attracted to up until then. While each person's list is unique, here are some general guidelines: Does his behavior match what he says? Is this person emotionally mature? Can this person keep and enjoy a job? To create your own list, simply think back through previous relationships and look for themes in behavior, habits and attitudes that, in retrospect, were clear warning signs that this was someone to avoid. If you have trouble coming up with items, ask close friends to help you. Create a list of what you are looking for in a partner. Some people have said that this sounds so tacky, like a shopping list for a relationship. Well, perhaps, but it works. Of course, there will be physical characteristics. But, make sure to include personality and character traits that are both a good fit and healthy for you. While you are not going to find a tailor-made fit in an off-the-rack world, it's as important to know what you're looking for as is it to know what you need to avoid. Create your screening and protection committee. As you work at changing your relationship radar, you are still quite vulnerable to choosing people who are bad for you. There will be times when you just can't see clearly. Ask a few close friends, family, or a counselor to be a part of your screening and protection committee. These are people who know you well and know your list of warning signs. They need to be folks who will be honest with you. If someone doesn't pass the screening and protection committee, consider it one of the biggest and clearest warning signs you can get. Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT is a marriage and family therapist, relationship coach, speaker, nationally syndicated relationship columnist and founder and CEO of http://www.Couples-Connection.com. You can email Jeff at jeff@Couples-Connection.com and subscribe to his f'ree internet newsletter "Couples-Connection" at http://www.Couples-Connection.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Why Anger is Essential to Healthy Relationships Many of us have some very definite ideas about anger. We see anger as destructive and hurtful. Friendship Advice for a Shrinking Planet Ahh, friends. The people we pick up along the proverbial bus ride of life. Preteen Relationships Even preteens have relationships that are important to them. In this critical time, though, the most important preteen relationship is always with parents. Girl Talk - Boy Talk Chas and Dave wrote a song about it and how right they were. Women just love to rabbit! Whether you calling it chatting, nattering, gassing or just plain talking, we're way ahead of the opposition in the vocal stakes. Valentine's Day is Fast Approaching, So Gather the Chocolates and Lingerie That lover's holiday we know as Valentine's Day is coming up again. This year, be prepared for it. Celebrate Friendship Day with Fresh Flowers! Send flowers this Friendship Day, Sunday, August 7th! Across the street or across the country, a local florist can send a gift of Friendship to your Special Friend!Consider sending a friend a beautiful vase of her (or his) favorite flowers to celebrate National Friendship Day! Here are some gift ideas to inspire you;For the Gardener: Send a watering can filled with wildflowers and a raffia bow. Green Thumbs would also appreciate a Green or Blooming Plant in a decorative basket or container. Engaged, In Love, and In Limbo Well, here I am very much in love and starting to plan my August wedding, when Murphy's Law sets in.I remember it as a full moon night. Relationship Tips to Grow Close and Stay Close Relationship Tip 1My family loves movies. In the theater, on DVD and VCR at home, and now even in the van. Romantic Tips - Gift Giving I believe that we have all heard of the standard romantic gifts. Chocolate, flowers, and jewelry, but there is something to be said for the man who thinks out side the box when gift giving holidays roll around. Jinxed Relationships -- Are Yours? Do you consider yourself unlucky in love? Have your relationships all been ending on a sad note lately? Perhaps you've come to the conclusion that you are jinxed! Before you give up on love, or decide that it never existed in the first place, please join me; let's take a look at loving from a different perspective.Experts at the game of life and loving tell us that there are four important laws that we must know, and use to our advantage. The Egoistic Friend What are friends for and how can a friendship be tested? By behaving altruistically, would be the most common answer and by sacrificing one's interests in favour of one's friends. Friendship implies the converse of egoism, both psychologically and ethically. Being Romantic for a Change Honestly, I do not know anyone who is romantic nowadays other than me and a few people I have met online. Is romance fading from our lives? And why is it always looked at as a silly trivial thing? Are not dreamy romantic people considered losers by some?For me, romance is simply life. Beware of Becoming a Professional Online Dater Every year, hundreds of thousands of people find their "perfect match" through online dating services. And every year hundreds of thousands more become discouraged from their experiences. Is The Internet A Miracle Cure For Loneliness? A few years ago a surprising survey discovered that people who spent a lot of time on the Internet were a lot lonelier than people who didn't spend much time on the Net.This was an unexpected find because many people view the Internet and e-mail as a great way to make and keep connections with other people. Should I Stay Or Should I Go? It's one of the ways you can spot a woman in an abusive relationship. They ask themselves the question, time and time again, obsessively. How a Written Agreement Can Enhance Your Relationship Marital contracts have an honorable history going back thousands of years, but they have not been put to good use for modern couples. Instead they have developed a bad reputation for being legalistic, money-grubbing things, negatively preoccupied with all that might go wrong in the future, and too often used to strip a woman marrying a wealthy man of her rights to property, support, and inheritance. Legal Agreement to Cohabitate Between Unmarried Persons THIS AGREEMENT is made and entered into this Third day of March, in the City of CITY, COUNTY County, Tennessee, by and between DAVID (hereinafter referred to as CLARK and MARTHA (hereinafter referred to as STEWART with reference to the following facts:A. The parties to this agreement are not now, never have been, and do not contemplate becoming married to one another. Are You Chasing Dollars or Your Kids? Striking a perfect balance between work and home todaycan be difficult task for most of us. However, do you everwonder if your spending too much time chasing money andnot enough with your children?Everything in moderation right? Haven't we been told thiscountless times and yet still we tend to find ourselvesconstantly plunging into excess. Can Men And Women Be Friends? Or When Harry Met Sally Did He Really Just Want to Jump Her Bones? Men and women can't really be just friends, can they? Of course not. There's always that pesky sexual tension to contend with. Three Qualities of a Good Relationship All relationships have some adjustment periods, but being hurt shouldn't be part of being in love. Loving relationships have good qualities, such as support from your partner, a willingness to communicate, a desire to compromise, and open an honest communication.
|
|
Relationship Articles Home Page | Relationship Articles Site Map | Health | Hairstyles | Fashion57.com | Beauty | Unique Gifts | Trafficfish.com | Entertainment | Institutions | EZmatic | Sofware Singles7.com - all Vital information and articles related to relationships. |
| © 2006 |
